Free Magazine Review: Prime Montgomery (November 2010)

I’ve got to be perfectly honest here. Most of the time when we do Free Magazine Reviews here at Lost in Montgomery, it’s to make fun of the over-earnest attempts at journalism civic promotion money making by the publishers of these fascinating periodicals.

Yet, each time we crack the pages of one of these esteemed publications, we go into them with open minds, hopeful that we will be somehow informed and inspired by the contents within. And proof of this fact comes in the following review of Prime‘s November 2010 edition.

What’s it called? Montgomery Prime

What is it? The subhead says, “Celebrating Midlife and Beyond.” Unclear at what point you are at “midlife,” but evidently this is going to be a magazine about old people. That makes sense since the dude on the front (who has attended 62 Iron Bowls) looks pretty darn old.

Where’d we find it? We think it was at Cafe Louisa’s over in Cloverdale across from The Capri.

What’s the deal? This thing appears to be a monthly product of something called The Polizos/Corley Group, LLC. We assume it’s local since they have an address on Vaughn Road and the editor’s last name is Polizos, so it must be her company. The staff box says that the publication not only contains the seal denoting membership in Montgomery’s Chamber of Commerce, but there’s also some sort of seal from the North American Mature Publishers Association, a group that probably sounds a lot dirtier than it really is.

What sections do they have? Pretty standard stuff. There are three stories under “Features,” two under “Entertainment,” four under “Lifestyles,” and then sections titled “Financial,” “Medical,” and “Health/Nutrition.”

Who advertises? The back cover’s a full page ad for hearing aids. The inside front cover is a full page ad for hearing aids. There are half page ads for the performance of the Nutcracker at the Davis Theater, one for a travel agent (they still exist!), and a full page ad for a photographer. The Shakespeare Festival bought a page. Page 23? A full page ad for hearing aids. Inside back cover? Full page ad for hearing aids. Note to self: Invest in hearing aid manufacturing companies. Other note to self: Speak up around old folks.

What’s interesting in this issue? One of the best things about Prime Montgomery, compared to, say, some of the other free area publications, is that the ad content isn’t overwhelming. Not only are there not yuppie-chasing ads for cardio-yoga and infant prep schools, but the actual content of this magazine is relatively straightforward and interesting.

Prime Montgomery has actual articles. There are no phony info-blurbs about face creams you can buy, laced through with advertorial parentheticals. The cover story on the Iron Bowl is an actual piece of journalism, telling an interesting story about a man who has attended 62 consecutive Alabama-Auburn football games. It’s text heavy and interesting, well-written and organized and includes actual quotes and photographs.

The article on “soldiers’ stories” is based on a series of interviews with historically significant soldiers. Well, in the sense that their time of service was part of history. But it does capture the “Everyday Joe” aspect of military service in the 1940s, which offers insights to the readers on the labors of American veterans. And, most importantly, it’s not trying to sell you anything.

The columns are useful and well done. One is from someone who works at the State Archives (a wildly under-appreciated institution) and the other is from a gardener offering landscaping tips. Decent stuff!

Prime Montgomery is the best of the free periodicals we have encountered thus far. The information provided is useful to the readers and it manages to carry itself with a sense of integrity that is wholly missing from the other publications we’ve considered. And even though the target audience may skew slightly gray, we managed to find it (reasonably) interesting even though we’re in our 30s.

Free Magazine Review: Montgomery Living (June 2010)

As we wade through the massive towering stack of magazines and other pop culture flotsam and jetsam (mostly jetsam, for those interested in the difference), another installment for you, dear readers, of our Free Magazine Review feature.

What’s it called? Montgomery Living. We’ve reviewed it once before.

What is it? It’s a super-glossy advertising vehicle for what passes for the high end here in town. Also it has articles. But evidently it can’t afford much in the way of a copy editor. This issue abounds with a host of screaming grammar atrocities, in-sentence redundancies, various typos and a general overuse of the hyphen.

Where’d we find it? Although Montgomery Living has a cover price of $3.00, we have only seen it offered for sale at one place in town. We’re pretty sure we got this issue at the dentist’s office. It still counts as a free magazine as far as we’re concerned because the cover price is clearly a gimmick (possibly a bookkeeping trick) to make it seem like the magazine is substantially different from its free counterparts. Which difference, if it exists, is in degree rather than in kind.

What’s the deal? If RSVP is the Colossus standing astride Montgomery’s free magazine scene, Montgomery Living is the Ronex watch that adorns the Colossus. Consider:

a) Appearance. ML looks more like a real magazine than the other rumpled and vaguely sticky publications jammed into a basket in your OBGYN’s waiting room. Its articles look a little less like they are pulled straight from press releases, and the whole operation seems less home-made than, say, Montgomery Parent.

b) Aspiration. The “About Us” page on their website explains that ML is for the “affluent” among us here in the River Region. Like all good journalism, ML is in the business of “lifestyle-enhancement editorial.” In case you’re confused about what this all means, consider these items excerpted from their reader survey:

Do we even need to comment on these items? When the per capita income in Montgomery County isn’t even $36,000, there is no option for owning zero residences?

c) Function. The whole purpose of a fake Rolex watch is to make people think you are wearing a Rolex watch. Otherwise you would buy a watch that was engineered to keep the time rather than to make people believe you have $60k or so just sitting around to adorn your wrist in a gesture that becomes more useless every time someone looks at their cell phone to tell the time. Or maybe that kind of behavior is just too gauche for the luxe parties you attend at The Waters? Generally, fake Rolexes aren’t engineered to do much else than to look like Rolexes – that is, they don’t tell the time especially well. ML, alas, falls into the same trap. It leaves numbers in the middle of words like “be5lieve” for no apparent reason. It reviews Sal’s without describing how the food tastes. It uses two words (“Prior to”) when one word (“Before”) would do nicely. It runs ads for products that it “writes up” in subsequent issues.

In short, ML rattles a bit when you shake it. Looks like a Rolex, aspires to be a Rolex, probably functions the same way if you’re not worried about dropping seconds here and there.

What sections do they have? “10 Things,” listing fewer than 11 things – in this issue, 10 things you can purchase for Father’s Day. Also “Artbeat” (local artists), “Living Well” (seemingly dedicated to promoting some sort of unscientific quackery masquerading as health treatment every month), “Good Deeds” (people who do good things), “Interiors/Exteriors,” “Debutantes” (Krewes! Mystic Orders! White people!), “Socially Speaking” (Look: photos of rich people!), “In the Garden,” “Profiles & Perspectives” (other content is filed here), “Destinations & Diversions” (more alliteration and ampersands, please), “Cityscapes” (press releases), “Out & About” (weirdly abbreviated events calendar…guess RSVP has a monopoly on this stuff).

Who advertises? Private schools, realty services, various interior design and decor shops and restaurants. Weirdly, the general lack of copy editing seems to have contaminated their advertising – the Nancy Paterson’s ad features the restaurant’s signature (and unbelievably good) strawberry cake with a caption that says “Dive Devine.” Safe to say they meant “Divine?” I hope they didn’t mean “Devein.”

What’s interesting in this issue? The “Living Well” feature on craniosacral therapy caught my eye. It profiles local CT practitioner Foad Araiinejad while providing a helpful introduction to the practice. Writer Jodi Hatley (also the editor of ML) provides us with an entirely uncritical introduction to CT. She tells us that “within the human body there exists an essential rhythm, the craniosacral rhythm, the result from the increase and decrease in the volume of cerebrospinal fluid inside and around the caraniosacral system.” Foad, who Hatley says has the unique ability to help his clients with CT on account of his “Persian heritage” (no explanation of what being Persian might have to do with mastering a practice invented by an American osteopath in the 1930s), evidently figures out where the “natural flow is restricted” and facilitates a “release where the flow is then returned.”

Unfortunately, Hatley doesn’t see fit to provide her readers with any glimpse of the extensive and scientifically based criticism of CT. Which criticism is both extensive and damning. It turns out that CT is quackery on par with spectro-chrome therapy, radionics,  the “Rheostatic Dynamizer,” electropathy, or mechanotherapy – not to mention Reiki, chiropractics, or any of the other dozen things that Foad says he is certified to practice (including “cupping”). It turns out that there is no evidence that CT provides a therapeutic benefit, no evidence that there is cranial bone movement outside of the jaw bones, no evidence that there is a “cranial rhythm” (this turns out to be basically invented by “therapists” and unable to be replicated in double-blind studies) and no evidence that perceived “rhythm” is linked to disease or pain. Of course, it is possible that we here at Lost in Montgomery have a different standard for what counts as “evidence” than ML. In that we remain unconvinced that evidence is the plural of anecdote.

No such skepticism plagues Montgomery Living. They plunge blissfully into the world of fake medical treatments with all skull bones blazing (and, evidently, moving). If you were able to laugh off the earlier Lexus-and-Champagne fetishizing, this attempt to rebrand the placebo effect as medicine should at least give you pause. It is, frankly, shameful that ML doesn’t give any column space at all to the amply documented fact that CL is a MADE UP treatment.

But perhaps this is par for the course. We noticed that in the March issue, ML‘s “Living Well” article is titled: “Anti-Aging Waters: The Fountain of Youth?” The piece is about resveratrol-intensive waters (perhaps it is a coincidence that these same waters were advertised in a subsequent issue?). Resveratrol, in case you’re not glued to the Health section of the New York Times, is that chemical found in red wine said to impede the effects of aging. Speaking of the New York Times, they’ve got an article here that says we should be skeptical of products that claim to deliver the miracle chemical. That is no obstacle to ML, whose “article” simply says that the resveratol in these pricey waters may be more “bio-available” (whatever that means) and ends with a question.

They should rebrand. Montgomery Living: The River Region’s Best Source for Quackery.

Free Magazine Review: RSVP (Sept/Oct 2010)

It has indeed been a while. So many free magazines piled up around the house. Time to get to reviewing them again! It’s Lost in Montgomery’s only semi-regular feature, Free Magazine Review! Click here for past editions. Today, we just couldn’t pass up reviewing another issue of the local mag that is our go-to source for rich white people comedy.

What’s it called? Montgomery RSVP. As you may recall, RSVP is actually an acronym, standing for “Rental Space Vogue Parties.” They have a website.

Giant furries promote loyalty to higher education

What is it? Well, they claim in their subtitle to be “The River Region Guide for All Things Social,” but that obviously depends on your social scene. If you’re younger than 30, make less than $50,000 a year, or you don’t resemble Bob Costas or Martha Stewart, you may well decide that there are some “things social” that aren’t covered by the sweeping umbrella of RSVP’s claim.

Where’d we find it? Likely at one of the businesses featured in the many advertisements within the pages of the magazine. Our best guess after digging this issue out of one of our stacks of unread detritus is that this issue was grabbed at a local salon.

What’s the deal? We’ve reviewed RSVP twice before. First we looked at their March/April 2009 issue. Then we examined their July/August issue of the same year. Both were hilarious editions, but we took some time off to see if RSVP could get it together. But like awful adult contemporary singer Richard Marx sang, we just “keep coming back.”

RSVP is, after all, clearly the leading publication in the field of Montgomery’s vast and competitive free magazine landscape. You might say that it stands astride the world of free magazines like a Colossus towering over a giant pile of wasted paper.

RSVP appears to be plugging themselves into the municipal scene in a way that the somewhat-harder-to-find Montgomery Living is failing to do. Maybe it’s RSVP’s snazzy party planning business, or maybe they’ve simply got better connections. Maybe it’s because RSVP’s magazine is free, while Montgomery Living has a cover price (though we’ve never paid for one). RSVP is hooked into the young urban professional network in a way that has caused it to cross our paths several times over the past year.

What sections do they have? RSVP seems to have settled into a fairly regular set of features. They’ve got two stories under “Singled OUT,” which, we guess is about dating or something. There’s a feature story; the “socially SEEN” section; “Look, Listen, Lounge;” and the usual bunch. There’s no real reason why the sections are distinguishable. Music info could be under “Look, Listen, Lounge,” or maybe under “Now Hear This,” or as a “reason to gather” or “friends, trends, odds & ends,” or perhaps the catch-all category, “when? what? where?” Either way, the whole thing is advertising, so it’s not like there are firm editorial categories here.

Obviously, the most important section here is “the list,” which features several pages of photos and biographical information about “young leaders.” And trust us, if you have a job and are under 50, RSVP’s list considers you a “young leader.” One featured leader has been in the Air Force for 22 years.

Who advertises? The usual suspects. We’ve been through this in our previous two reviews of the mag. The first ad after the inside cover is for the Alley Bar, touting the fact that you can watch football there. Well, it says, “Game on!” and has a picture of an offensive line about to snap the ball. Wouldn’t that lead you to think you could watch Saturday morning college football games at the Alley Bar? Yet, do they show games there?

We went on a Saturday during October and they were closed. Do you think they’re open for the NFL on Sundays? Nope.

Game on!

In fact, if you’ll entertain a brief sidebar about the Alley Bar, we called their phone number on a Sunday morning and not only were they closed, they didn’t even have an outgoing voicemail explaining their hours. You get get a recorded message: “Memory full. Enter access code.”

Huh. OK. Maybe there’s info on their blog. Nope. Instead of info from the bar itself, you get posts from customers complaining about being overcharged on their credit cards.

Ah, downtown revitalization.

What’s interesting in this issue? Football! Like, totally, uh muh Gah!

Look, we love college football. More importantly, most people around here love college football. Thus, it’s a good cover choice and a defensible theme for a fall issue. There’s good fodder for a featured cover story and it’s likely to be a popular issue.

That said, it helps to have some idea of what you’re talking about before you pick something to be your cover story. Take the six ladies on the title page, for example. Usually, this is where you get a note from the editor. This month, we get six notes from various white ladies, each talking about autumn and football. Kim, the publisher, likes to “get [her] booty back in the gym.” Amanda watches Grey’s Anatomy and loves Auburn football. Amanda says, “since retiring my pom-poms years ago,” she is mostly “an avid fan of shopping.” Chandler enjoys picking out the perfect game day dress, while Mallory applies football terms to her dating life, talking about “steering clear of yellow flags” and not “jumping offsides” by texting or calling too much. Shopping and fashion and dating! Football!

Pages 12-15 are light on text, heavy on fashion, mostly trying to tell you brand name college-themed crap to buy to wear to football games. No faded lucky t-shirts for these ladies. We’re talking semi off-the-shoulder tops for “flirty fun looks.” And for the dudes? Shut up and drink your embroidered flask.

Also, while it’s nice that they threw Alabama State and Troy State (yes, we still call it that) into the mix with Bama and Auburn, there’s no mention in the fashion spread of other in-state teams like Samford, UAB, or LOCAL team Huntingdon.

The Hawks do make it into the “spirit of the game” section, which consists of “facts about these colleges that we downloaded off the Internet.” In the section about Alabama State (p. 28), the editors/writers manage to misspell both “Pittsburgh” and “Steelers.” Yay, football!

But what can we really expect from a publication that on the front end says several times that “every Southern girl” waits year-round for football season and then towards the back of the magazine alongside the printing of SEC football schedules includes this fine image:

Ladies like football ... unless it is boring torture that they endure because men force them.

Free Magazine Review: Montgomery Parents (January 2010)

Cover

Alternate Cover

What’s it called? Montgomery Parents. It’s got the subtitle “Prattville, Wetumpka & Millbrook.” Which is interesting because, um, those other places aren’t in Montgomery. They have a website. Evidently they have published five issues since their inception in November 2009.

What is it? It is “The River Region’s Foremost Parenting Source.” Their bold. Evidently trying to emphasize the non-Montgomery-ness of their Montgomery-branded periodical.

Where’d we find it? At the Montgomery Airport, lined up with all the city’s promotional propaganda.

What’s the deal? I’m not saying this is a magazine for white people. But it’s hard to think that their target audience is any darker than a spray-on tan, given a) the cover’s display of children who seem never to have seen the sun (and also possibly were extras in The Children of the Corn), and b) the issue’s focus on private schooling.

What sections do they have? There are regular columns – for example, “From Our Family to Yours,” “Living With Children,” “Character at Heart,” “Family Health,” and “Education Matters” – the latter by Montgomery Superintendent Barbara W. Thompson Ph.D. There are also longer features, such as “Do You Have a Reluctant Reader?” and “7 Ways to Boost Your Child’s Immunity.” Finally, there are Departments – various placed items like “Calendar/Support Groups” and the all-important directory of advertisers.

Who advertises? Like most of the free magazines we review, this is largely an advertising vehicle. It’s probably pretty expensive to produce given the liberal use of full-color pages. The advertising is parent-focused, as you might imagine (a drycleaning service urges you to pick up your child while they pick up your dry cleaning), and child-centered (enrichment centers, schools, and orthodontists) but it’s also predominantly woman-focused (plastic surgery, nail salons, “Attention Moms! Work from Home,” etc.). This being the private school issue, there are a million ads for private schools. Who knew that the River Region had so many private schools?

What’s interesting in this issue? You get the feeling that the only people interested in this issue would be some of the many people whose children are featured in the issue – the first fifty pages are newsy items ranging from the extremely important (an Auburn-attired pig raced an Alabama-attired pig at Evangel Christian Academy) to the culturally questionable (Eastwood Christian School students celebrated Plantation Day by dressing in period costumes … no word on who dressed as slaves) to the marginally significant (students participate in e-cycling drive; next drive is scheduled for X date) to the cute-absurd (pre-K students decorated digital Christmas tree in computer class). All of these items are formatted like society columns, boldface names and all.

After that, we get a bunch of content from Alabama-based writer Paige Gardner Smith. Never heard of her? Us neither, but she’s got a website and two nationally syndicated columns recommending toys and books for children. Well, at least the magazine is encouraging reading. Of audio books only, in this issue, evidently to encourage “reluctant readers.” I don’t want to get off on a whole rant here about the post-literate society and the rise of auditory information. Suffice it to say that the rationale presented here is, basically, that many students just aren’t going to read because they may be dyslexic (fine, but that’s a very small percentage, and doesn’t mean they can’t or don’t want to read) or because they had “negative reinforcement of reading during the ‘learn to read’ years”, so what we need to do is just to salvage what’s left – their “love of stories” – and move on. I thought this was supposed to be a magazine encouraging good parenting techniques? Instead it’s reading more and more like a primer for life skills triage. And we’re not even to the lifeboat ethics private school part of the program yet.

The big feature article for the month is a two-page spread by “contributing writer” Gina Roberts-Grey (awesome website!), who displays substantial mastery of passive voice and the comma splice. Elsewhere Montgomery Parents shows better copy editing than, say, Dixie Living, but articles like this don’t fool anyone into thinking this is anything like an actual magazine. I was marginally excited to write a review of this issue because I have some thoughts on how parents’ decisions to send their children to private schools  are abdications of the responsibility of democratic citizenship and the ideals of the common school. I was hoping to see a thoughtful discussion of the issues facing Montgomery’s troubled schools and a realistic assessment of the social implications of the idea that an outstanding education is not a birthright but instead a product to be purchased by those who can afford it.

Instead I learned that “faith based educators expend just as much energy nurturing a child’s spirit and conscious and they do expanding his knowledge.” This from an upstate New York writer who, if she knows it, mentions not a word about Montgomery’s troubled schools and the flight from the city (to the very cities named in Montgomery Parents‘ subtitle) and to private schools that continues to cripple MPS.

And then we get 26 pages of ads in their “Guide to Private Schools.”

Free Magazine Review: Montgomery RSVP (July/Aug 2009)

It’s time for yet another review of free periodicals that are littered around the town. To look at all of the installments of this regular Lost in Montgomery feature, go over to the side bar under “categories” and click on “Free Magazine Review.” You can get a look at all of our thoughts about the state of free magazine journalism here in the River Region area.

Today’s episode concerns a magazine we have already reviewed an issue of: Montgomery RSVP. Previously, we took a gander at the March-April edition and were so excited to see the July-August issue that we just had to pick it up. Besides, the cover is pink, yellow and purple and features six young ladies doing the Heisman trophy pose to promote some musical called “Beehive.” Who wouldn’t pick that up?

What’s it called? Montgomery RSVP. And yes, we do still find it hilarious that the RSVP stands for “Rental Space Vogue Parties.” This is actually key because RSVP is some sort of party-planning company in addition to being a crappy magazine producing company and their party-planning adventures (speed dating, wine tastings, birthday parties) feature prominently in the pages of their magazine.

What is it? It’s the River Region Guide for All Things Social.

Where’d we find it? We think we got this one at El Rey’s, a favorite burrito place of ours. But we aren’t sure. These things are sort of like mushrooms — they turn up everywhere. We always make sure to grab one when we see it.

What’s the deal? As we noted in the previous review, this is a sort of high end social publication about events and parties and Ladies That Lunch. We won’t rehash all of what was said in that review, but since writing that one, we have discovered Montgomery Living (reviewed here) which appears to cater to the sort of rich white people demographic as Montgomery RSVP. Now, the ladies who publish the latter would likely say that they offer some sort of niche not met by the former, but both magazines are made by ladies, seem targeted at ladies, and have ads from all of the same places. At most, RSVP seems to cater to a younger set and focus more on “social events,” whereas Living seems to attempt to have articles about, say, why it’s important to get good sleep and how you can make a tasty meatloaf for your husband’s college football viewing pleasure.

What sections do they have? Actually, this has undergone some revisions since we last checked in with RSVP. They still have the Singled Out dating column and Connections: Reasons to Gather. But they’ve started pimping their event planning in a new section called Socially Seen. There’s a feature cover story and they held onto one of our favorite sections from the past issue called The List: A Who’s Who of Young Leaders. More on this in a moment. They kept Look, Listen and Lounge, but added Now Hear This (a look a local bands) and Venue 411 (a look at local bars/venues).

Who advertises? Pretty much the same as last time. Full page ad from the Alley Bar, which is written up in the same issue, again blurring the line between “review of a place” and “added ad space for the thing we will promote uncritically.” More on the Alley Bar in a moment. But the rest are the usual suspects: jewelry places featuring attractive white ladies flashing bling, a photographer who evidently specializes in well-groomed white teens, yoga studio, spa, salon, Persian imports, limo rental, a tapas joint.

What’s interesting in this issue? If attractive white ladies in flower print dresses are your thing, this is the magazine for you. Writing-wise, you might marvel at the fact that it took two people to write an article explaining to you how to buy a purse. Or maybe you’re so used to the women’s magazines that mix “writing” with advertising, that the copy will just wash right over you as a tidal wave of colorful products available for you to purchase. Maybe you don’t mind when people unironically use the term “hobo bag” to refer to a “crescent shaped purse known for a slouchy posture.” And maybe you don’t wince when purses are called “arm candy.” If that’s the case, these 200 word “articles” might be great for you.

I’d say that the highlight of this issue is a piece on page 16 called “Flying Solo” by Amanda Morrison. It’s sort of about taking a vacation alone and shows a photo of a woman sitting in an airline seat with nobody next to her, looking out the window pensively. The article appears to freely intersperse paragraphs about how to fly on an airplane like a grown-up (“travel light”) and relationship advice about jettisoning your emotional baggage. The piece really must be seen to be believed.

There are some recipes which they downloaded from the Internet and printed. There is a page listing some things that you might want to do for fun in the summer: Have a barbecue! Have a garden party! Don’t neglect your children!

Then you’ve got the self-promotion, where RSVP takes pictures of the events they’ve planned/hosted. They had a wine tasting in Cloverdale. They helped sponsor the Pub Crawl (which we didn’t attend, but heard was awful). And they do a two-page spread on some girl’s Sweet 16 birthday party that they held on the riverboat. Let’s just say that, “Dakin’s dream of an unforgettable night came into full blossom on the decks of the Harriott II.” You see, they ate a bunch of candy. And a “fantastic local songsmith” made teen hearts swoon on Deck 2. And up top, they tested their dance moves because something called Fontaine Entertainment was playing. What is Fontaine Entertainment? Some DJ from Wetumpka. Woooooo! By the way, Dakin had a nice time and there’s an ice sculpture shaped like a Hershey’s kiss. Classy!

The cover story is a skippable affair about a musical featuring the most harmless music of the 1960s that was being performed at the increasingly-awful Alabama Shakespeare Festival. The sad decline of that particular institution is a blog post for another day. But one reason to pick up RSVP every time you see one is The List.

Yes, we’re talking about the hilariously-posed gathering of “the young professionals and business leaders who bring culture and energy to our area.” There are ten of them in this issue. Two are black and four are ladies. One guy is rocking a leather wrist cuff and works for the Conservation Department. He teaches a hiking class called “Being an Outdoor Woman.” And he paints pictures of nature and stuff. And loves Christ. Then, we’ve got the program director for BONDS. That’s a good program. It deserves a feature article. She has some dogs. And there’s some lawyer who is a former beauty pageant queen and a member of the Junior League. So, um, yeah. She’s a lawyer.

The next page features a guy who specializes in “outside the box decorative finishes.” Huh. OK. I think what they mean, but don’t say, is he runs a company that does decorative plaster work. No shame in that. But it’s absurd to hype it up like this dude is revolutionizing our town. Then there’s a lady who does dance fitness training, a lady who does PR for Hyundai, and a dude who runs a construction company. Young people with jobs!

The last batch features the lady who does the weather on TV (She went to Penn State!), a guy who sells insurance (he “puts God # 1!”), and a guy who does sculpting and woodwork (He has a degree in marketing from Auburn!)

Look, we’re not making fun of these people or trying to debate who does or doesn’t belong on The List. That sort of begs the question. Some of these people do important work (the woman who works for BONDS) and others are surely upstanding citizens who haven’t been arrested and hold down jobs and pay taxes and are therefore members of the community. Fine and good. But doesn’t it seem kind of desperate?

The final bit of note in this issue is the write up about the Alley Bar. Now, you may remember that this was also the cover story of Montgomery Living back in August. And it’s the talk of the town. A bar! Downtown! Amazing! It’s sort of the centerpiece of a downtown redevelopment strategy designed to create synergy with the Biscuits and the riverboat and the RSA’s Renaissance Hotel. And this is pretty major given that without those things, downtown Montgomery after dark is an abandoned wasteland of closed up and boarded up shops. So a lot of people are pretty justifiably invested in making some sort of nightlife into an economically viable option.

Is any of this mentioned in the writeup? No. It mentions that the guy who opened the Alley Bar is named Mike Watson. He’s an architect. And there are multiple ads from his properties in this publication. So don’t think too much about objective reporting as to whether this is a place you’d like to hang out. Also don’t think too much about good editing, since there are misplaced apostrophes and other errors sprinkled throughout.

What do we learn? Well, there’s a bar. And they have shots. And food. And TVs. Just like bars have! It’s in a historic area (building built in 1881) and Watson likes adaptive re-use, which we also like. But instead of discussing gentrification or the economics and politics surrounding downtown redevelopment, we get an actual photo of the machines in the restrooms that you can use to dry your hands. Seriously.

The rest of the issue is pretty much a social calendar of events that might appeal to the core demographic of RSVP’s readership. In other words, a slew of highly-skippable events that are given the 8 point font treatment. It’s clear from the inclusion of such  things as a Steely Dan concert in Atlanta that this list of events can be pretty much expanded to fill space as needed.

Free Magazine Review: Montgomery Living (August 2009)

It’s time for yet another installment of everyone’s favorite feature here at Lost in Montgomery, the Free Magazine Review! Previous looks at the area’s free magazines considered an issue of Vetrepreneur, an issue of Dixie Living Magazine, and an issue of Montgomery RSVP. Now it’s time to take a look at one of the rivals of the latter publication:

What’s it called? Montgomery Living

What is it? The subtitle is “The River Region Magazine,” but don’t let that confuse you with yet another favorite free periodical often available here in Montgomery, River Region’s Journey, which is a very Christian magazine to be reviewed in another edition of Free Magazine Review. No, Montgomery Living is actually just a super-glossy and pretentious “high end” publication, complete with a whopping $3 cover price and a ton of color photos. Although we have never, ever, seen it for sale anywhere. According to its website, “the magazine is designed, edited and produced to appeal to upscale, well-educated, involved individuals.” Oh. Right. Also on the website? Super Hot, Blue Blood, All White debutante action.

Where’d we find it? Our memory on this is a bit hazy, but we think it either came from our vet’s office or a doctor’s office. Or maybe it was in a salon of some sort. Needless to say, these are a bit harder to find than Montgomery RSVP (due to their high price), but still are pretty much anywhere that rich people congregate and shop.

What’s the deal? This seems to be the kingpin of the local free mags. Hell, maybe they aren’t even really free. But they ought to be. Montgomery Living is full of predictable Chamber of Commerce schlock. It’s the typical fare about food and cultural events, with a focus on non-offensive looks at “social scenes” and half-assed travel writing. As with RSVP, the whole thing is run by women. The editor, all three people in marketing, the art director, the sole staff writer, the social gadfly columnist, the business manager, and 10 of 12 contributing writers — all ladies.

What sections do they have? Editor’s Letter, Favorite Things (“Cool, current products”), 10 Things (evidently random), On the Table (food reviews), Artbeat, Destinations and Diversions, Profiles and Perspectives, In the Garden, Living Well, Good Deeds, Interiors/Exteriors, Socially Speaking, Cityscapes, and Out and About.

Who advertises? All the heavy-hitters. We’re talking tons of full color, full-page ads from the big hospitals, Blue Cross/Blue Shield, real estate, hotels, restaurants, and furniture stores. It’s a who’s who of the White People Scene in Montgomery, with half-page ads from the two most exclusive private schools, personal trainers and yoga studios, heavy oil portrait painting, plastic surgeons, etc.

What’s interesting in this issue? The full page ad taken out by the Montgomery Area Visitors Center is pretty funny. It features a pile of crap you can buy at the visitors center, such as a t-shirt that says “Hey Ya’ll” and the cookbook written by the wife of the governor. Hurry down! Supplies may be limited!

As far as writing goes, there’s not much to recommend. The editor seems to struggle to put together an intro to the magazine in her perky and upbeat “From the Editor” column. But she does look like a victim of the Joker’s Smilex gas, so that’s pretty entertaining to look at for a few seconds. She writes about how it’s nice to write letters to people.

The “Ten Things You Might Not Know About the River Region” is a laughable attempt to fill one and a half pages. They were all things that we both already knew, and we have lived here slightly longer than a year. Did you know that Hank Williams used to play music here? That F. Scott Fitzgerald and Zelda used to live here? Yes. Yes, we did know that.

There’s a decent piece on how Montgomery is now sister cities with a city in Italy, “the vibrant Tuscan city of Pietrasanta.” It’s really more of a town (population: less than 25,000), but the article doesn’t mention that and has a nice photo of our mayor Todd Strange accepting a book of some sort from the mayor of Pietrasanta who is hilariously wearing a red, white, and green sash. So, um, yay for cultural exchanges.

There’s an article about a local private school titled “Still Pursuing Excellence,” which is funny both because that school has purchased an ad in this issue of the magazine, giving lie to any pretense of editorial objectivity, but also because the title makes it sound like the school has been chasing the elusive goal without success for quite some time. Happy 50th anniversary to a hallmark of the flight from the integrated City of Montgomery school system!

The cover story is about a new entertainment district inventively called “The Alley.” It boasts a bar, a Dreamland, and an Italian place. Oh, and “an event space.” Because those are cool. The article doesn’t mention that this is all the product of the former mayor, who was sent off to Congress, or that there were major legal fights about an ugly water tower that was plopped down at the entrance to the alley, or that the whole thing reeks of Trying Too Hard. Nope. Just an article saying that there are places to go and Please God Shop Locally because “We Have Nice Things Tooooo.” Mike Watson, a local architect, is the owner of the bar and he designed the Alley Project for the city. We think the Alley Bar is OK and plan to go there after some Biscuits games. But the Montgomery Living write up? Needs to be dragged out into the alley and beaten.

The Fashion “FIX-ations” section is truly cringeworthy. We really felt sorry for the poor women forced to model the paisley mini-bag (hilariously described as “of the moment”) and the tiered concoctions supposed to represent “Dos.” By the end of the article our female half had resolved never ever to set food inside Painted Pink, where the owners evidently recommend that ladies wear something called a “funky boyfriend/lumberjack shirt.”

Yes, this magazine has two pages of gardening advice and a two page barn burner of an article about why it’s important to get a good night’s sleep. Bottom line? For a superficial look at events that have likely already happened, or are too expensive to attend, or simply threaten to bore you to sleep, this magazine would be the perfect companion for any trip to the dentist’s office or hospital waiting room. And if shoddy travel writing along with poorly-conceived articles about food are what you crave, grab yourself a copy of Montgomery Living.

Dixie Living Magazine (August 2009)

Continuing a theme here at Lost in Montgomery, it’s time for another installment of Free Magazine Review! Previous installments looked at Montgomery RSVP (Mar/Apr 2009) and Vetrepreneur (Nov/Dec 2008).

What’s it called? Dixie Living Magazine. The subtitle is (no kidding) “everyone likes something for free.” When your magazine has a blatant lie on the cover, you know it’s got to be good. I can think a number of things that can be provided at no cost that nobody wants. In the name of good taste, I’ll avoid listing those here.

What is it? The subtitle of the magazine is “Covering Southeast Alabama and the Chattahoochee Valley.” So I guess that’s what they do. I would wager that many people who actually live in the Chattahoochee Valley do not know that they live there. I grew up in Alabama and this is not a place name that has much currency with me. If you are confused, this talking dog in a top hat, Chattahoochee Poochie, will provide you with answers.

Where’d we find it? This issue was discovered in an assisted living home in Troy.

What’s the deal? This is a pretty cheaply-produced 30-pager that appears to be as widely-ranging as possible. When it says that it “covers” Southeast Alabama, I think they mean that in the very loosest sense possible. It seems to be someone’s project for selling ads. I went to their website to gather more information and discovered that the magazine is the product of an entire family. The mailing address is in Banks, Alabama, which if you have ever been to Banks, you would find wildly improbable. They claim to print 5,000 magazines a month and a number of the articles are things like Internet jokes that are published under the byline “contributed.” They claim on their website to have “lots of clean humor, and of course, The Redneck Page.” The Redneck Page is, evidently, a Neal Boortz production.

What sections do they have? Unclear. The entire magazine is a collection of random crap that can barely be slotted into sections. There’s something at the start that claims to come “from the Editor’s desk.” There are Letters to the Editor. And then just a bunch of crap. Perhaps the Solunar Tables are a regular feature. There also appears to be a regular column called “Book Bit,” where Doc Kirby publishes a book review. There is also a Photo of the Month, a few Classified Ads, and something called Down on the Farm. Oh, and recipes and Kids Coloring Page.

Who advertises? Lots of folks. Color ads from the hardware store and business card sized black and white ads from every sort of small town merchant you can imagine: frame shops, contractors, restaurants, and tire stores. The ad department evidently has some smooth talkers (or cheap rates). There’s a full page ad from a country music radio station offering, “Your Kind of Country.”

What’s interesting in this issue? Not a lot. Imagine all of the horrible crap that you get forwarded on the Internet. Now imagine that printed out in magazine form. That’s pretty much what you have here. There’s not really any “reporting,” and very little “content” per se. If things like “Birds of a feather flock together and mess on your car” crack you up, this magazine has the kind of cornpone 5th grade humor that will keep you busy for the 13 minutes it takes to read the entire publication.

There is a particularly entertaining column by Shirley Capps called “Ettiquet for Eating Grits.” The best part about this article is that its title is misspelled in an entirely different way in the Table of Contents: “Ettiquite for Eating Grits.” The piece begins:

“What are grits? Nobody knows. Some folks believe that grits are grown on bushes and are harvested by midgets by shaking the bushes after spreading sheets around them. Many people feel that grits are made from ground up bits of white corn. These are obviously lies spread by Communists and terrorists.”

The article continues, including discussion of South Carolina grits mines and the “Ten Commandments of Grits.” It’s nice to see that Dixie Living Magazine has opted to publish the rambling comedic stylings of hyper-stoned rural Alabamians.

And in case you’re wondering, the Kids Coloring Page is a horrific living apple that will give any child a lifetime of nightmares.

Bottom line on this publication: Someone has sold a ton of ads with absolutely no ideas for what sort of content to wrap around the large volume of tiny ads. The publishers are obviously super right wing (there’s an “ad” for Rush Limbaugh that makes no mention of what radio station plays his show and the “blog” kept by the publishers includes this awesome ad for a Tea Bagging Party; the editor seems to be pretty obsessed with the end of the world as we know it, which he abbreviates TEOTWAWNKI, adding a mysterious extra N for extra frisson). Little in the way of copyediting (“Ettiquet” is only the tip of the iceberg – just ask “Dave Leterman”). I’ll be pretty surprised if this thing is still around in a year, but even if it is, I’d be even more surprised to meet someone who actually leafed through an issue and found something worth reading.

Free Magazine Review: Montgomery RSVP (Mar/Apr 2009)

Continuing a theme here at Lost in Montgomery, it’s time for another installment of Free Magazine Review!

What’s it called? Montgomery RSVP- the RSVP seems to stand for “Rental Space Vogue Parties” (really, we’re not making this up), and this magazine seems to be the publicity organ for a company with the same name.

What is it? “The River Region Guide for All Things Social!”

Where’d we find it? Cool Beans, a a very tasty and attractive place downtown. We should do a review of it here on Lost in Montgomery later, but the basic deal is that the people who run it are super nice and the food looks quite tasty and is just a wee bit too expensive.

What’s the deal? Well, pretty much this is a high-end glossy magazine about social activities in Montgomery (and the greater so-called River Region). It’s the kind of thing that tries are hard as possible to be pretentious and it offers a great look into the world of the wealthy whites who have largely fled inner city Montgomery. In our experience, magazines like this will grunt and strain to cover various social events, but ultimately fail due to: a) bad writing and b) running out of things to write about. This issue is the one-year anniversary of this particular publication. Also, this magazine appears to be largely produced by (and directed at) women. It is published by Kim; edited by Brianne; the contributing designers are Kasey, Summer, and Erika; the writers are Shannon, Amanda, Blue, Janine, Jamie, Jennifer, and Jonalan; and the interns are Mallory and Kimberly. Also, there is an Events Coordinator, which, from the look of the magazine, is VERY important. That job is done by Tiffany.

What sections do they have? Singled Out: The 411 on Single Life; Connections: Reasons to Gather; Two Are Better: Ideas for Couples; Socially Seen; Look, Listen, Lounge: Hot New Music, Movies, Books, and Places; and a few special features.

Who advertises? Usual suspects of rich white people boutiques and shoppes (although, to be fair, many of the people pictured in this magazine appear to be orange). As expected, the “articles” are also pretty much ads, like the first piece on how to buy sunglasses (sponsored by stores that sell them). This story is especially hilariously out of touch with Montgomery living – it suggests we can justify buying $100-$250 sunglasses by saying “I’ll skip a few lunches out.” There are also ads from a few regional events (some tennis tournament and the riverboat that our city just purchased for some reason). But mostly it’s crap like wedding photographers and belly dancing lessons.

What’s interesting in this issue? The dating article is so bad, it makes my eyes hurt to look at it. It includes valuable gems about the importance of being honest when dating someone. It is written in some kind of first person perspective that seems ripped from a 12-year-old’s journal. There’s a four-page piece on wine for people who know absolutely nothing about wine but want to seem like they do. All of the articles are heavily interspersed with pull quotes, subtitles and double spacing — pretty much anything to make them seem longer than they are. As evidence of how starved for content this magazine is, this March issue contained a wrap up of some New Year’s party.

The cover story is about awful band Saving Abel. How do I know they’re awful? Check out their most famous song. The lyrics are near the very top of the Unintentional Comedy scale. Turns out these dudes are from Corinth, Mississippi, so they’re sort of, um, regional or something. They have played in Montgomery, which is more than you can say about, well, any other band that’s selling records these days. Still, they list Three Doors Down as one of their influences, so it’s hard not to dismiss them out of hand. The write up is hilarious because it alternates between referring to the musicians by their last names and their first names.The article gives the impression of being pieced together after a 10 minute conference call with the band. And their publicity photos are, well, terrible. They’re touring with a bunch of other shitty bands, so, um, be on the lookout for that.

The other big centerpiece of this issue is called “The List.” It’s a group selected by Montgomery RSVP as “the young professionals and business leaders who bring culture and energy to our area.” We’ve got a woman who was in a fashion show once and also plans weddings! We’ve got a woman who is a tax accountant who “is linked to over 10 organized causes!” We’ve got a guy who is “a multi-album recording artist!” I wish so much I could meet these people. One guy works at a bank! What does he do to enrich our community? He spends time with his family!

Things like this make me feel like the community is even more impoverished than it really is. Still, it’s not all negative. I did learn from this magazine that our town has a ballet. So, even though that’s not my favorite art form, it’s cool to know that there’s some dance culture here. And the calendar is helpful, I guess, even if it’s super depressing that Larry the Cable guy is coming to town, but we’d have to drive to Birmingham to see Dave Matthews.

All in all, I’d pick up this magazine again, even if 95 percent of the reason was to make fun of it and/or be depressed by it. There are a few glimmers of valuable information in it and the remainder of the time spent with it can be spent reading chunks of it out loud to the delight/horror of all who may be around you.

Free Magazine Review: Vetrepreneur (Nov/Dec 2008)

What’s It Called? Vetrepreneur

What is it? “The Voice of the Veteran Business Movement” — the official magazine of  NaVOBA

Where’d we find it? At Montgomery’s Small Business Incubator on Court Street

What’s the deal? The title is a made-up word, denoting that this magazine is willing to take risks (such as word-creation) when it comes to getting you the information you need, if not want, about members of the military who have started a business of some kind. NaVOBA is the weird acronym for the National Veteran-Owned Business Association.

The group compares themselves on page 10 of the magazine to the NMSDC and WBENC, which try to create support for minority and women-owned businesses. The thing about veterans though, is they aren’t quite like minorities and women in that they are not an immutable identity category that has faced a legacy of discrimination making it harder to start and maintain businesses. In fact, the case probably isn’t too tough to make that vets have a leg up since, thanks to the G.I. Bill, they have fewer college debts to repay and all of the weight of the flag-waving pro-America crowd to support their ventures. Oh, and there’s the fact that in an all-volunteer army, these people have chosen to forgo corporate advantages in order to get other kinds of training and benefits. They claim that 1 in 7 American businesses are vet-owned. NaVOBA formed in ’07.

But let’s not digress too much. So some vets want to band together and promote their businesses. And they have a magazine. And they like to make up words. And Chuck Norris is on the cover.

What sections do they have? Aside from the cover story about Chuck Norris, there are four featured profiles about people who were in the military, but now run businesses. There are three stories called Start Up, three on Sales and Marketing, four on Franchising, four called V2B: Vetrepreneur to Business, and four called V2G: Vetrepreneur to Government.

Who advertises? Looks like some heavy hitters. They have a full page from Rolls-Royce, another from Mastercard. Microsoft joins defense companies DynCorp and Raytheon as “three star corporate members.”

What’s interesting in this issue? They heavily heature former Pittsburgh Steeler Rocky Bleier, who they tout as their national spokesman. Bleier is a Vietnam vet who had an NFL career after winning a Purple Heart. What this has to do with running a business is unclear. Bleier, who is 62, has a column and is featured in some kind of NaVOBA advertisement wearing a Steelers jersey.

The president of NaVOBA has a column too, where he explains how socialism “leads to shirking, not working.” His robust and astute defense of capitalism is a true blow to those who would “penalize hard work.”

The articles are nothing special. They’re pretty short and mostly feature companies, well, owned by vets. One guy trains cops around the world. The magazine is more along the lines of quoting that guy saying he “puts the bad guys in jail” and less along the lines of looking at human rights abuses committed by any of his customers after recieving some of his “services.” The other articles are gems like “Your business should prepare in case of unexpected events” and “You should be thrifty with your marketing dollars during economic downturns.” Real business school wizards at work here.

All in all, there’s nothing in the magazine that makes me think that a vet would want to read it on a regular basis, aside from the generic identification with the idea of being a vet. The mag is far too general to offer any real business advice. After all, the only thing that the readers have in common is that they were once in the military. An ex-Army guy who runs a trucking company is not going to have much in common with the ex-Navy woman who designs software. Those business owners would be much better off reading magazines targeted at their individual fields, not something filled with generic “think outside the box” platitudes and dissimilar “business profiles.”

Still, maybe some fans of noted Internet joke Chuck Norris will snap up this issue as they eagerly await his next losing campaign endorsement.